Friday, a co-teacher and I gave a demo class. At least ten parents attended, mostly mothers. The lesson title was "who is she?" In one activity, two students started at opposite ends of a row of picture cards and made sentences using gendered pronouns.
Examples: He is my grandfather. She is my sister.
I designed this activity specifically to address Korean speakers' tendency to refer to everyone as "she," which can baffle, amuse or even enrage English speakers.
I felt hypocritical emphasizing the importance of using appropriate gendered pronouns since: (1) I do not believe in a rigid gender binary; (2) I personally identify somewhere between masculine and feminine.
Also, my teaching this grammar point was ironic since at least some of my students do not believe that I am female. I've heard them asking my co-teachers (in Korean) and audibly disbelieving the answer. For that matter, Korean adults have asked me point-blank whether I was male or female. One older woman in a bank even tried to touch my breast to check for herself.
Later that day, I needed to use the restroom and approached a public women's restroom. A female custodian said (in Korean), "No! The MEN'S room is over there." I shrugged and used the men's room. (Note: I was wearing tan khaki pants, a blue button-down shirt, and sparkly blue nail polish at the time.)
Honestly, I wish I could avoid gender altogether. That's not possible, especially in Korea. Women and girls are much girlier here than they are in the U.S. They wear lots of make-up, climb mountains in stiletto heels, and cover their mouths when they laugh. One does encounter butch-looking girls now and then, however. I wonder what kind of feedback they get about their gender performance.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Don't get your toenails in a twist
Today, I called the nail salon at HomePlus and made an appointment for a pedicure. I have never done this before, even in the U.S. There is a practical reason why I'm doing so now: due to increased stiffening in the hip joint, I have great difficulty (and pain) in cutting the toenails on my left foot. Usually, I wait until the nails actually snag on things.
For me, a pedicure is both a luxury and a practical solution to a problem. I could use help in trimming my toenails and rubbing off the dead skin on my heels ( of which I can only reach one). I don't need toenail polish, but if it's included, I might as well get it (blue or grass-green, please).
Making the call was a little intimidating. It was actually the first time I've ever made an appointment in Korean. Before making the call, I checked with a Korean coworker about the correct sentence form to use when requesting an appointment. The woman who answered the phone was patient, kind and obviously used to dealing with foreigners. She repeated things as many times as I asked and used English when she could.
Besides the "making a phone call in Korean" factor, there were other reasons why I hesitated to make this apointment. First, I'm ashamed of the condition of my feet. I imagine the nail salon worker taking one look at my feet and yelling (in a mixture of English and Korean) "OMG! That's disgusting! Get out of here!"
Also, I've never thought of myself as the type of person who got pedicures (or any other type of professional grooming besides the occasional haircut). I'm not one of those women on Sex in the City. I'm not entirely comfortable with the label "woman," much less "girly girl." By American standards, I am neither rich nor feminine. I do, however, have really long and disgusting toenails. Practicality wins.
For me, a pedicure is both a luxury and a practical solution to a problem. I could use help in trimming my toenails and rubbing off the dead skin on my heels ( of which I can only reach one). I don't need toenail polish, but if it's included, I might as well get it (blue or grass-green, please).
Making the call was a little intimidating. It was actually the first time I've ever made an appointment in Korean. Before making the call, I checked with a Korean coworker about the correct sentence form to use when requesting an appointment. The woman who answered the phone was patient, kind and obviously used to dealing with foreigners. She repeated things as many times as I asked and used English when she could.
Besides the "making a phone call in Korean" factor, there were other reasons why I hesitated to make this apointment. First, I'm ashamed of the condition of my feet. I imagine the nail salon worker taking one look at my feet and yelling (in a mixture of English and Korean) "OMG! That's disgusting! Get out of here!"
Also, I've never thought of myself as the type of person who got pedicures (or any other type of professional grooming besides the occasional haircut). I'm not one of those women on Sex in the City. I'm not entirely comfortable with the label "woman," much less "girly girl." By American standards, I am neither rich nor feminine. I do, however, have really long and disgusting toenails. Practicality wins.
Vacation Drama
First, let me acknowledge that as a person who can afford to take a vacation, I am one of a very privileged few. As a worker whose contract entails a PAID vacation, I’m extremely well-off. As a person who can afford a vacation in another country, I’m off-the-charts lucky.
While trying to keep these facts in perspective, I still lost control of my emotions at work today during a conflict with my CT over vacation time. Several weeks ago, the education office sent all of us EPIK foreigners an email stating that our vacation time would be July 19-July 30th. We were required to attend two weeks of mandatory training starting August 2nd.
My CT told me that our school would be open through July 23rd and that teachers would be required to attend even when there were no classes. Fine. I planned a vacation from July 26th to July 30th. I made plane and hotel reservations.
When I mentioned these reservations this afternoon, my CT looked very surprised. She then informed me that she and the other English teacher (Korean) had, just this past Saturday, settled on a date for the school’s two day “English Camp”: July 26th and July 27th.
She said she didn’t want to ruin my vacation. She said it was ok, that they could manage the camp without me. What I heard was, “If you have any loyalty to this school and professional work ethic, you will work when we tell you to.” When she said, “you don’t have to change your vacation,” what I heard, over interpreting Korean non-confrontational communication styles (and perhaps also listening to internalized guilt), was “You should change your plans so you can work those days.” I have NEVER heard a manager or supervisor ask me to work on a given day, say it was fine if I had other plans, and MEAN it.
I told her (as I believed I was obligated to do) that I would change the reservations. I also expressed annoyance about suddenly finding out that I’d lost two vacation days. I asked for help in communicating with the travel agency. Called them 8 times. No answer. I got increasingly upset. I showed the CT the email from the board of ed. She said that Korean teachers had to come in and work during their vacations. She said that she had given me plenty of notice about the English camp. She said that she had no idea about foreigners getting July 19th-30th off. She said that my getting upset made her upset. She stormed out of the room.
I emailed the travel agency and requested a change of flight dates, which I got for no charge. I emailed the hotel booking agency with the same request (am still waiting on that one). Trying not to cry, I called the foreign teacher liaison at the education office (the one who had sent the email about vacation dates). She was expressed surprise that my school had told me I was supposed to work through the 23rd and again on the 26th and 27th. She said not to worry, that she would call my CT and send an official document regarding vacation time.
I tried to calm down, but my mind shredded itself with worries that I had now irrevocably poisoned my work environment for the next seven months. I called myself stupid for even thinking about applying for Korean citizenship when I obviously couldn’t manage Korean workplace communication.
Eventually, the CT came back. She had spoken with the ed office and said she understood about the vacation time. She said it was a cultural difference that I expected not to have to work during vacation time even though Korean teachers did. She said I did not have to change the dates of the trip to Japan or work at the English camp. I explained that I had already changed the dates and could work at the camp if necessary. She said no, I absolutely did not have to work at the camp.
She said that she was upset because I had been repeating two contradictory messages: 1) that I could change the dates of my trip; and 2) that I was very upset about the loss of vacation time (if I had to work through the 23rd and again on the 26th and 27th, that would be 7 days vacation instead of the promised ten, a significant difference). I explained that I did not take her literally when she said it was “ok” for me not to work on the 26th and 27th. I’ve heard the mendacious/polite “ok” from other bosses, Korean and Western. I interpreted her “ok” as “legally, you can do this, but I will make you pay for it.”
She said she meant exactly what she said. Maybe so. She took my hand and repeatedly apologized for hurting my feelings.
I still have some questions:
1) Why did the office of education notify the foreign teachers, but NOT their workplaces, about vacation time?
2) How do I tell when a CT is telling me the truth?
3) Am I reading far more into what she and others (Korean and foreign) say than what they actually mean?
4. Or am I just being a martyr?
There’s definitely some truth to #3. For as long as I can remember, other people (almost always female) frequently criticized me for not reading between the lines. By failing to pick up on unspoken requests, criticisms, hints, etc., I provoked anger. At one point, I even wondered if I might have ADHD or a mild form of autism. Now, by default, I assume that in any given communication in which I am the least bit uncomfortable, there is significant unstated negative content coming from the other person(s). Being defensive and paranoid, I assume that there is always another shoe to drop, no matter how hard I listen and count the “thuds.” Rethinking this assumption might make me more optimistic, but would also leave me vulnerable to unpleasant surprises. Oh wait—those happen anyway. Damn.
Another question: would a man feel he had to worry so damn much about the hidden meanings in every conversation? (I’ve often heard men complain about this when talking about their girlfriends and wives.)
Anyway, there appears to be no permanent damage from today’s unpleasantness. I will still go to Japan, just a few days later. I can see the same places, do the same things, and pay the same prices. I also have a few days off work before the trip to Japan, which I can use for day trips within Korea (Busan, Seoul, Daegu, etc.), getting a re-entry visa at immigration, and arranging for the cat’s boarding. Oh—and I need a refill on the Prozac.
While trying to keep these facts in perspective, I still lost control of my emotions at work today during a conflict with my CT over vacation time. Several weeks ago, the education office sent all of us EPIK foreigners an email stating that our vacation time would be July 19-July 30th. We were required to attend two weeks of mandatory training starting August 2nd.
My CT told me that our school would be open through July 23rd and that teachers would be required to attend even when there were no classes. Fine. I planned a vacation from July 26th to July 30th. I made plane and hotel reservations.
When I mentioned these reservations this afternoon, my CT looked very surprised. She then informed me that she and the other English teacher (Korean) had, just this past Saturday, settled on a date for the school’s two day “English Camp”: July 26th and July 27th.
She said she didn’t want to ruin my vacation. She said it was ok, that they could manage the camp without me. What I heard was, “If you have any loyalty to this school and professional work ethic, you will work when we tell you to.” When she said, “you don’t have to change your vacation,” what I heard, over interpreting Korean non-confrontational communication styles (and perhaps also listening to internalized guilt), was “You should change your plans so you can work those days.” I have NEVER heard a manager or supervisor ask me to work on a given day, say it was fine if I had other plans, and MEAN it.
I told her (as I believed I was obligated to do) that I would change the reservations. I also expressed annoyance about suddenly finding out that I’d lost two vacation days. I asked for help in communicating with the travel agency. Called them 8 times. No answer. I got increasingly upset. I showed the CT the email from the board of ed. She said that Korean teachers had to come in and work during their vacations. She said that she had given me plenty of notice about the English camp. She said that she had no idea about foreigners getting July 19th-30th off. She said that my getting upset made her upset. She stormed out of the room.
I emailed the travel agency and requested a change of flight dates, which I got for no charge. I emailed the hotel booking agency with the same request (am still waiting on that one). Trying not to cry, I called the foreign teacher liaison at the education office (the one who had sent the email about vacation dates). She was expressed surprise that my school had told me I was supposed to work through the 23rd and again on the 26th and 27th. She said not to worry, that she would call my CT and send an official document regarding vacation time.
I tried to calm down, but my mind shredded itself with worries that I had now irrevocably poisoned my work environment for the next seven months. I called myself stupid for even thinking about applying for Korean citizenship when I obviously couldn’t manage Korean workplace communication.
Eventually, the CT came back. She had spoken with the ed office and said she understood about the vacation time. She said it was a cultural difference that I expected not to have to work during vacation time even though Korean teachers did. She said I did not have to change the dates of the trip to Japan or work at the English camp. I explained that I had already changed the dates and could work at the camp if necessary. She said no, I absolutely did not have to work at the camp.
She said that she was upset because I had been repeating two contradictory messages: 1) that I could change the dates of my trip; and 2) that I was very upset about the loss of vacation time (if I had to work through the 23rd and again on the 26th and 27th, that would be 7 days vacation instead of the promised ten, a significant difference). I explained that I did not take her literally when she said it was “ok” for me not to work on the 26th and 27th. I’ve heard the mendacious/polite “ok” from other bosses, Korean and Western. I interpreted her “ok” as “legally, you can do this, but I will make you pay for it.”
She said she meant exactly what she said. Maybe so. She took my hand and repeatedly apologized for hurting my feelings.
I still have some questions:
1) Why did the office of education notify the foreign teachers, but NOT their workplaces, about vacation time?
2) How do I tell when a CT is telling me the truth?
3) Am I reading far more into what she and others (Korean and foreign) say than what they actually mean?
4. Or am I just being a martyr?
There’s definitely some truth to #3. For as long as I can remember, other people (almost always female) frequently criticized me for not reading between the lines. By failing to pick up on unspoken requests, criticisms, hints, etc., I provoked anger. At one point, I even wondered if I might have ADHD or a mild form of autism. Now, by default, I assume that in any given communication in which I am the least bit uncomfortable, there is significant unstated negative content coming from the other person(s). Being defensive and paranoid, I assume that there is always another shoe to drop, no matter how hard I listen and count the “thuds.” Rethinking this assumption might make me more optimistic, but would also leave me vulnerable to unpleasant surprises. Oh wait—those happen anyway. Damn.
Another question: would a man feel he had to worry so damn much about the hidden meanings in every conversation? (I’ve often heard men complain about this when talking about their girlfriends and wives.)
Anyway, there appears to be no permanent damage from today’s unpleasantness. I will still go to Japan, just a few days later. I can see the same places, do the same things, and pay the same prices. I also have a few days off work before the trip to Japan, which I can use for day trips within Korea (Busan, Seoul, Daegu, etc.), getting a re-entry visa at immigration, and arranging for the cat’s boarding. Oh—and I need a refill on the Prozac.
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